Infidelity is one of the most common problems in married life and committed relationships.
Sadly, the advent of email, instant messaging, and social networking has compounded the problem because illicit affairs can be fostered with the help of electronic communication. There are now even more ways that a person can initiate and sustain contact with a third wheel.
Since you’re reading this book, you probably feel that your partner or spouse is cheating on you. Usually, suspicions arise when a partner or spouse begins to act differently at home.
You might notice small things, like your partner forgetting to do home chores because the he or she is distracted. Or the signs might be more suspicious, like your partner missing overtime pay or spending long hours away from home without a clear and valid explanation.
99% of the time, people who feel they are being cheated on hope with all their might that nothing is really wrong, and that their hunch is completely wrong.
Intuition & Rationalization
There’s always a 50% chance that you’re wrong about your partner -– and 50% chance that you’re right.
There are no middle roads in the game of cheating. If the person cheated, he or she cheated — regardless of the circumstances of the illicit relationship.
Your first line of defense against cheating is your very own intuition or natural instinct. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman – use your instinct and develop your natural ability to sense if something is wrong.
We’re not discounting the fact that we need evidence to prove that something is going on. But you need to make full use of your intuition. It will help guide you when it comes to observing your partner for other possible signs of infidelity. Behavior change is one of the key indicators that your partner is cheating.
Although behavior change is important, by itself, it’s not proof that your partner is cheating on you. Never jump to conclusions. This can cause unwarranted damage to your relationship. Genuine trust can be lost if you base your actions against your partner based solely on suspicion.
If you noticed that your partner has suddenly changed his behavior, sit down and think. What other reasons could be behind the behavior change?
Stress and tension at work can often cause behavior changes. Personal problems such as depression and anxiety can definitely cause behavior changes. Death in the family, as well as the loss of people who were close to your partner, can also change your partner’s outlook on life, and subsequently, his or her normal, day-to-day behavior.
If none of these factors apply to your partner, it’s time to look deeper – not outward, but inward. Look at the current state of your relationship and the evolution or development of your relationship through the months or years. Could something in your relationship have caused the noticeable change in your partner’s behavior?
The purpose of this inward examination is not to place blame on anyone. Blaming should be the last on your list priorities when solving a potential problem such as infidelity.
Blame always puts people in a defensive stance and does little to resolve problems. Remember, we’re always looking for ways to resolve problems within marriages and committed relationships. We’re not out to break apart relationships. (Although in some cases, separation may be needed if the relationship is abusive.)
Inward examination of your relationship and other possible factors that may be causing behavior change can be your best tool in finding out the truth.
But be careful about rationalizing too much. Rationalization is good if you use common sense and your own personal knowledge of your partner. Rationalization becomes harmful when you use it to ignore obvious signs of infidelity, just so you can avoid confronting the problem directly.
When you rationalize too much, it becomes a habit, and when you stop rationalizing, things will begin to make sense. We’re not talking about events that happened recently – we’re talking about events that may have happened years ago.
If you let things fall naturally into place without too much rationalization, you’ll see that even the smallest things in the past will start to make sense. Too much rationalization can become a blinder, allowing you to ignore problems…until they become too big to resolve.
The enemy of healthy rationalization and sensible intuitiveness is self-doubt. Self-doubt is commonly used by a cheating partner to make it appear that the accusing partner is simply paranoid.
If your partner always plays this card when you’re asking questions about his or behavior, be wary. Sometimes, it is just our imagination. Other times, it’s not. And it’s perfectly all right to ignore your self-doubt if you think something is up, and that you’re not just imagining it.
Do cheating partners or spouses ever confess that they had an affair?
According to current statistics, only seven percent of cheaters (both male and female) ever confess that they did something wrong when they were in the relationship.
Many of these individuals will only confess when their partners have discovered hard evidence that proves that the cheating occurred. Some continue to deny that they ever had an affair even after hard evidence is presented by their partners.
Extra-marital affairs do not revolve around sex. The most painful thing about affairs, which make affairs a very real threat against established, committed relationships, is the betrayal and loss of trust in the partner who has cheated.
Faith in one’s partner is sacred, no matter how one describes one’s arrangement with his or her partner. If this faith is broken because of one partner’s activities with another person, then that constitutes an affair already.